Office:Office – Going digital

Image Source: https://pixabay.com/en/digital-marketing-online-marketing-1527799/

That’s the latest keyword in the Indian marketing circles. It’s almost touted as a panacea to all problems that currently exist in getting customers to be loyal. Listed below are the top 5 reasons why companies feel they should adopt digital.

1. All it needs is a website and a twitter account – Isn’t that what Amazon started with when they came to India?, asked one CXO with more ‘experience’ than hair on Jeff Bezos’ head. ‘Look at them now’, he said. Well. Yes. They have a bigger website and more followers on twitter? Erm. They have multiple twitter handles if one has to be accurate. But then, what?

2.  If Amazon can do it, so can we – Do what precisely? Sell online, when even face to face meetings with customers doesn’t get them to buy our service/ product? ‘If Amazon is a dukaan, we are no less. Agarwal nahi hai to kya hua, hum bhi bania hai!”, said one South Indian CXO who had lived most of his life in Delhi. Ok, so we will display our products online and put out brochures? Then what? “we will wait for customers to buy, what else?” said the new recruit, who has no clue of any of our services. While, this was being discussed, word got around to the finance team that orders would be accepted only via online purchase route, resulting in a cry of objection. New payment method means, new procedures, new training and firing of the Babu who had spent 20 years just collecting cheques from customer offices.

3. We can fire our salesforce and court customers in their inbox – “Says who?”, popped up the Sales Head. “Please note your databases don’t have any customer contacts. We knew a day would come when you would think of making us redundant. And do you know how many of our customers even use email?” Oh! Then you can send the mails out to these customers yourself, pleads the CXO. “And diminish our position from sales to data entry,” challenges the sales Head. This is when the marketing head pops up saying , ”the sales team can keep its customers to itself, considering how rarely they buy our products/ services. We will get you new customers. Savvy. Sophisticated and with loose purse strings. Inbox kya, we will flood their postbox too and stalk them on SMS, and mobile App.”

4. It relies on Analytics, not hearsay – Oh! Says the sales head puzzled. But then quickly recovering asks, “what will it tell you? How much revenue we got? Those numbers are managed by my team and you are all getting regular updates.” No, laughs the marketing team. Details like who is targeted, how many pieces of communication goes out to him/her, what is the response, what more can be done, etc can all be tracked if we go digital, says the newbie who is fresh out of B-School and sharing this gyaan.

5. It will listen, not question – Clearly a jab at the sales team, the CXO makes it a point to bring up the last disagreement between teams. “No such nuisance with digital. You feed information, the system does its job quietly. No opposition.” “But”, says the sales head. Before he can continue, he is cut short by the CXO, “See you started again! Is Amazon hearing so many ifs and buts? No! that is why they are selling so much.”

6 months after going digital, this is the conversation in the board room.

Sales Head – Are you folks happy now? You’ve cut my team size by half and made the other half send emails to unknown people who never bought anything.

Marketing Head – Yes, and they are passing comments on Twitter. I don’t know how to respond. You guys shouldn’t have the sent the mails. Even your email IDs are boring. Why would I want to buy from Magan Lal? Couldn’t you at least change the ID to Meghan L?

Finance Head – How long will this continue? We spent a lot on training and Mr. Babu was forced into retirement early. That has not gone down well with the Founder. He feels we have thrown money and projected that we are lavish and are now attracting criticism. We run the risk of The Bania Unlimited Bank cutting our credit.

Sales Head – Arrey, how can I answer that question? I didn’t want to go digital. These folks (pointing to everyone else in the team) were keen.

Marketing head – We were short changed by the IT folks who said they would give us good candidates for analytics. They gave us interns who knew how to use Microsoft Excel. These chaps gave us a whole bunch of permutations and combinations without really telling us anything concrete.

(The IT team is not present to defend themselves)

CXO – What does Amazon do once they have the website and twitter account?

For a more serious piece on whether digital marketing is customer centric, read this.

Office- Office: Gifting

The most understated (supposedly) of all marketing tools is corporate gifting. “See we are not trying to sell anything”, says the boss with glee. He means – No PPT, No dark suit that has gone tight in the wrong place, No stuttering in front of audience, No artificial smile….In short, no preparation needed.


Then how come one spends more time (and effort) on corporate gifting than when actually trying to sell something? Call it lack of protocol to define what constitutes an appropriate gift or simply Murphy’s Law, corporate gifting is more time consuming that regular gifting.

The intent of any gift is the expectation of a return gift. You gift someone on their birthday, you expect them to return the favor on your birthday. What you get is usually as good (or bad) as what you gave. Apply that to business and you have a complex picture in front of you.

Should I gift a diary? Naah, too PSU. What about a set of pens engraved with the company logo? Too archaic (and cheap). A digital photo frame? Too expensive (we don’t want to be seen as bribing the customer). Golf balls? Balls to You! How many people play golf in India?!. Expensive wine? The recipient’s family may not approve. Leather organizer? Nope. It will be sold in the black market or worse still handed down to the secretary or school going child. Chocolates? Are you kidding me? Do you want to be responsible for giving people Diabetes? (please note, it is another matter that chocolate cannot “give” diabetes. But that is how much IQ your average marketing boss has). A USB drive? No Way! What then will we hand out during conferences? A simple hand written greeting card? Eh? Oh! Uh!..Ahem.. The last time I wrote a sentence was in class 12……….

In normal circumstances one would be perfectly delighted to receive any of the above gifts. But the corporate world makes you believe otherwise. So what do we gift? Cuff Links (when half the world doesn’t wear suitable shirts), gift vouchers from the newest mall (which is incidentally outside the city limits and has little parking space), Key chains (which always end up looking tacky no matter how much their MRP), Mousepads (They haven’t heard of touch navigators), cake (perhaps they assume chocolate cake does less damage than chocolate bars), jute bags (eco friendly, who cares how ragged they look) and desk clocks (Yawn.)

So what do you get in return? Nothing. Why? Because everything you gifted was practically useless. What’s worse, your gift can’t even be re-gifted, thanks to the not-so-discreet company logo.

What should the smart marketer do? Convince the boss that is it better to sell the product.