Monday, May 6, 2013

Office-Office: Resignation

It’s the panacea for all ills. At least for the office variety of ills that one puts up with for so long. Bad ass boss (the ‘darling do my work please but don’t expect anything in return’ type), no increments (because the bell curve has to be maintained and someone needs to be screwed and that someone is you), slog house environment (welcome to professional life) , reimbursements (from the finance team to your account) missing credit dates, PPTs peppered with mindless masala about what you can offer (never mind what you commit to), no free lunch, yawn, and no AC after official office hours (The ‘we like you to sweat and since we won’t let you go to the gym, isn’t this better?’ motto), and more such intellectual atyaachaar.




(Image courtesy: www.Dilbert.com)

Once you throw in the towel, you have pretty much said ENOUGH. Instead of congratulating you on this monumental effort at your sanity preservation, people grow hostile. Some with a vivid imagination propagate the grape vine that you are joining the competition, when all you are doing is realizing you will be penniless for the next three months (did you expect they would pay you a salary during your notice period? You need to be shot for your naiveté!).

Why do people do this? I have three theories.

1. They are jealous – Because you kicked the system in the gut and are supposedly moving on to a better place. They too want to move on to this better place but don’t have the gumption to repeat your act.

2. They are bored and need a career change but then, no one wants to hire them – Perhaps they want to become fiction writers. Of the torrid romance variety, replete with love, sex, dhoka and glycerin tears. They are just using your situation to see if the novel can be based on you. This is creative license, not malevolence, they will claim when confronted.

3. They are afraid – Surf’s out and you caught them without their pants. Your leaving spells doom because they would actually have to work now. No more forwarding your work as theirs, which means they need to know how to animate slides and how to change the font size and color and aligning textboxes and inserting pictures and providing the content for the deck as well. They don’t have a choice but to work fast towards getting your replacement. Imagine doing all that work themselves!.

4. They are angry – This is technically not an original theory but it could be an outcome of any of the three theories above. In a rare occasion this theory could prove to be original - when you may have, in drunken stupor or plain childish enthusiasm, agreed to a pact with some fellow co-workers saying “we’ll all quit together.” Now, you’ve quit and they haven’t. And they are coming at you with that beer bottle to fulfill their side of the deal.

Ok. Now what? Well, best to be armed with a good answer for every attempt the management makes to keep you on board (assuming they actually care for you). While serving notice period at least you can dream of walking in the greener pastures of the future. If you take back your resignation, you won’t have the time to dream.

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