Office- Office: Perception Management, the Ramu Kaka Way

The other day the wide eyed wonder was found with eyes red. Apparently her boss felt she was not doing any work and “I work like a bloody donkey 14 hours a day”, she sobbed. What do you do when trapped with perception management issues? Look inwards – I mean look within the confines of your house and see that hard worker who adds the extra shine to your floors. Your domestic help.


You might hate your servant, but you still won’t dismiss him/her. They take a month off without notice leaving you gritting your teeth and awaiting their return. Their work is always found wanting. They ask for a raise, old clothes/ shoes/bags, “chai paani”, medicines, salary in advance, new clothes and all you can do is give into their demands.

There is no better representation of perception management. Put yourself in the humble servant’s shoes and imagine the control you can have over your boss! To get there, just follow these three rules:

1. Be humble: It gives people an illusion of control over you. Eventually an intangible bond builds up and your boss can never dare to shriek “WHAT KIND OF SHODDY WORK HAVE YOU DONE?”. They will think it is rude.

2. The 80:20 rule: Do 80% of your work putting in only 20% of your efforts. Save the bulk of your talent for the evasive 20% of quality work. (Wondered why servants put in their best before the festival season? So they can avail a pay rise, leave and new clothes..)

3. Never mind your own business: The employee who prospers, is the one whose eyes are wandering and ears de-waxed. Every boss loves to hear gossip if packaged appropriately. Gossip tops the do-do-list. (After all don’t you overlook the dirt under the bed in exchange for knowing which TV Mr. Khanna has purchased or where the Reddys are vacationing this year or how the flat secretary Pandey came drunk one evening…..?)

As for the wide eyed wonder, she has decided to re-instate both her servants.

Office-Office: Value Creation

(Picture Source: www.dilbert.com)

The First millennium (Period before 1000 AD) can be safely credited with following the “eye for an eye” philosophy. You kill one, I kill ten and vice versa in most cases. The second millennium is credited with propagating the “two cheeks are better than one” philosophy, thanks to Gandhiji’s fondness for trains.

This millennium’s undisputed contribution is the “Give me work and I will give you grief” attitude practiced diligently by the corporate human.

Sample this –

The non-conformist asks The butterfly for options to pursue a matter. The butterfly promptly responds – “Please brainstorm and give options”. (And you thought one couldn’t brainstorm solo. Hmpf!! Tsk! Tsk!).

Unfortunately, we consider ourselves an evolved breed and cannot stay happy with one idea. Sample these variants -

1. Give me work and I will give grief + Give me an inch and I will take a yard = Give me work and I will take a yard.

The wide eyed wonder requests for help regarding Matters A and B. The Butterfly diverts it to the Hungry Wolf who delegates it back to Wonder, who is now learning how to do the job. Outside Party too has been designated to work on A and B. On D-Day, Outside Party delivers the tasks, Hungry Wolf claims all credit and Wonder is left doing more work.

2. The Etc syndrome also known as “? Go Figure.”

The Non-Conformist emails some material to Super Boss for approval. Super Boss responds: “Please correct some of the words like money etc.” (!?) It doesn’t get vaguer than this. Rest assured one will have work for the rest of the day trudging through text.

3. The career development brainwash

When the non-conformist politely refuses to do backend task A, The Butterfly subjects her to a lecture on how “supporting the initiative” and “looking at the larger picture” will help in career development. Later Task A is delegated to the wide eyed Wonder who eventually believes her prospects have improved post the task completion. Task A was about proof reading some articles written by an ex-employee.

Collectively all this falls under the category of “Value Creation”, yet another corporate jargon. Where is the value, you ask? Let us leave that for the next millennium to discover.