Earful! : IPL Gate - Key Lessons

The latest scam to beak in India after the Satyam case, the IPL Gate will perhaps supercede Satyam in volume. To make sure you dont become the next Modi (Oops.. does Raju sounds better?), read on:

1. What goes up comes down: If you are flying in your private jet and looking down haughtily upon the rest of the cattle class travelers, beware. Your ex-co-passenger, now disgruntled at the thought of traveling cattle class, may inform the cops that you use ethanol instead of air fuel. What is more you don’t use power from the grid for your bathroom….

2.Technology killeth the human: Don’t indulge in key board lashing and virtual war. Be a man and fight your battles face to face. That way you can still tell people the rabid dog got you on the street last night, as you walk away wincing in pain holding the bandage around your jaw.

3.You Got e’m? Keep them: Bling is the new Sting! It is time to get the pastels out and leave behind any sign of flash, including the fake gold jewelry. If people as much a notice you, it’s a problem. Better hunt for a dowdy wig and a second hand Maruti 800. By the way, look around and you will see that beaded string jewelry has made a come back.

4.Network is equal to Net worth: As a corollary of point number 3, avoid meeting anyone who looks remotely well fed or well dressed. I would have suggested hanging around with the spiritual go-getters, had it not been for the Nithyananda episode. Your best bet could be the vegetable vendor or the 90 year old grandfather next door (On second thoughts, he might leave you behind an inheritance, so drop him from the list). At all costs avoid anyone worth giving a second glance.

5.Blood is thicker than water: Precisely why no amount of acidic talk will do any good. This is when one regrets not appreciating the foresight of the National Family Planning Commission’s messages of two rose and one bud and some bawdy copy scrawled on the back side of lorries. Relatives are a nuisance. More so when you want to go low key. Start looking for the anti-dote to Fevicol.

Now, where to put the real monies you ask? Buy gold out of the money and then bury it deep in your garden and let the dog poop on it. Or you could go the ancient way – build walls of gold and cover them up with high grade plaster (clue Amer Fort, Rajasthan).