Office-Office: Project Management

(Picture source: www.dilbert.com)

This much abused corporate jargon until recently was the bastion of those with a growing girth, balding pate or increasing myopia and gunning to become Super Bosses (or perhaps ageing star performers). Recent additions to this motley gang have been the Butterflies (solely introduced with the intention of maintaining the 33% reservation) and smart talkers, characterized by small body structure (including brains), loud mouth, agility of a banana stealing-langur and attention seeking syndrome.

Ever wondered why some one has to recommend one to a project management course? Because, those who do it suo moto don’t need to tell. Their work speaks for them.

The original suspects don’t have any time (Tsk! Tsk! Procrastinating again!) to apply project management, though opportunities galore. The growing girth perhaps makes it difficult to bend forward and see the computer screen full of tasks and the balding pate does affect the abilities of the grey cells.

The Butterflies – You suspect if they have understood anything of the subject. Your fears are confirmed when you see neatly typed notes on “Project Management” on their desktop. They continue to be hassled with numbers – be it evaluating a subordinate or making a plan.

The Smart Talkers –They are here because some one thought they might put the surplus energy to good use. Alas! What a mistake. This class of people loves to hear its own voice, they leave little time to hear what the instructor is saying. Since they are inherently good at running multiple thoughts in their heads, important subject matter often tends to escape attention. The result – you will see these people liberally using certain jargon from the course to attract attention in a social gathering. Sample this – “Oh the Likert scale is completely useless in my line of work. We believe in evolving our own model.” Or “Time management is some thing most opportunists are harping on to attract attention. We professionals don’t need it.”

How then do you teach such people project management? By aiming where it hurts the most – The pay packet. Every recorded lapse in work/ response leads to a certain number of points corresponding to penalty deducted from salary at source. Further, put an 8’x10’ photo of the employee in the office corridor. Keep adding black marks to his/ her face for every lapse recorded.....