Office-Office: Hypocrisy

(Picture source: www.dilbert.com)

The first few months spent as a new corporate employee are very insightful.

You realize how full of B.S. the induction program was – except for the info on the cafeteria and loo breaks. (Hail companies that don’t have an induction program! You hit the shit immediately). You see your real position (or the lack of it) in the organization, when you compare yourself to the boss. The best way to illustrate this is through the experiences of the mustachioed young man (M) and the ageing super star (ASS). Of course, we will throw in our favorite character Super Boss too, wherever appropriate.

1. ASS comes to work at 8:00 am (official work hours being 9:30 am) and leaves at 3:00 pm citing “client meeting” reasons. M comes at 9:00 am and is not expected to leave.

2. ASS can delegate work to M, the vice versa will be short of harakiri.

3. ASS drinks tea brought in by a butler, curses its “inferior” quality but empties the cup. M has to shove his way to the café. See several pairs of similarly tired eyes stare momentarily at him, grab the mild coffee and stand listlessly under the fan, only to realize the coffee is long over. Talk about taking a break!

4. ASS gives M files to review. M reviews them and makes recommendations. ASS shares recommendations without credit to M. When Super Boss shoots down a few recommendations, ASS remains silent. Post call, gives M a tongue lashing calling him a “useless joker” among other things and quietly asks for an explanation to the recommendations that got shot down. At the next meeting with the Board of Directors, Super Boss makes the same recommendations he shot down. ASS’ mouth is gaping like that of a gold fish. This is what you call reeking in hypocrisy.

5. M is asked to handle a client interaction. ASS pokes his nose into it and goofs up. Predictably ASS denies any involvement during a damage control Q&A session. M is severely reprimanded. A fortnight later ASS handles initiative and again goofs up. Media gleefully runs rampage adding spice to the story. No questions asked at office.

6. M and ASS go for an event together. ASS ends up entertaining some guests with tea and snacks. He leaves brusquely asking M if he can pay the bill. M, taken aback, does so, forgetting to collect the bill copy. Net result – M is poorer by Rs 1,250 as re-imbursements can be claimed only by “Senior level people”.

7. M is overworked and has started admitting that to himself and a few colleagues. ASS thrusts more work on him saying “he can do it!” (did I tell you ASS is a Nike Fan?). M tries to live up to the challenge, but fails. Fighting rage, ASS tells him “I will do it!” and asks him to leave the cabin. 30 minutes later ASS is frantically calling M asking him to how to change slides. Everyone knows who did it.

As for the mother of all hypocrisies, consider this – The HR chaps disappear after the induction program only to reappear when one has handed in one’s resignation. What’s worse, they hand one an exit interview questionnaire to complete with a section on “Rate your relations with the HR manager.”