Office– Office: Leave

If you ever had a boss went red when he/she saw anything more than 2 days leave approval, then you need to read this. 

A recent survey revealed that Singaporeans can't take time off from work due to professional pressures. My better half says this is true for India as well. Look around your office and you will seldom find well rested, genuinely enthusiastic, straight talking, non-bitching colleagues. The reason – No leave.  A colleague in the HR department says the company pays people for all the leave they are eligible to encash and apparently it is a very significant amount.

Not availing leave impacts physical and mental health, does not make business sense, and is not cool. Why then do bosses hate to give or take leave?

It stems from the fact that traditionally, taking leave made you a sissy. Don't you remember that "Weak" kid in school who kept taking leave due to ill health? (Never mind that he joined IIT and then Harvard and now lives in a funky mansion in Silicon Valley with a good looking wife and all rounder -kids).  What did your daddy say about that "hen-pecked" husband who took leave because he had to do the laundry and occasionally cooking too? (Never mind the scourge your daddy has is because he can't even make his own coffee leave alone iron his shirts). And that lady in the office, who keeps "making excuses" saying "I need time off to spend with my child?" What a joke! If she wanted to spend time, then why come to office? She's better off staying home permanently….

Leave is associated with being frivolous and unimpressively so.  Work shirker, lazy, incompetent, irresponsible, timid, are other adjectives associated with leave. No one wants a subordinate, or boss with such a reputation.

Conversely, if you want to build up a reputation in corporate India, you start with a "no leave or leave for good" policy. That way you are on top of the mind recall, even if it is a negative association (after all any publicity is good publicity).  The minute you start rejecting those 3 day leave applications, you become legendary.  When you cut short a 2 day leave, you become revered. When you scoff at that one day leave, your subordinate feels embarrassed. And when you raise your eye brows at that half a day leave, your subordinate ends up working overtime for a while week in penance.

The only instance where a longish leave is tolerated is when someone is either getting married or a parent has died or if you are having a baby (sadly, many men and many companies do not know what paternity is. One even asked me if that was a kind of law suit). That is promptly rewarded with increased work once you return. Little wonder then why most women do not come back post marriage or child birth and many men move jobs around the same time.

How to retain your sanity? But a smart phone and stay connected with the happening crowd. Put the ring tones on high volume during meetings and let the phone scream in glee. Keep a ready set of jokes on your browser and laugh/ cry/ weep aloud in your seat. When others look at you, put your head down in remorse.  Have your lunch in solitude and pretend to speak to yourself. Very soon the boss will conclude that you indeed deserve a leave.

Office-Office: Guesstimate

(Picture Source: www.dilbert.com)


One hears about informed guesses all the time (dubiously know as guesstimates), but all of us know (or can guess) how truly informed (read ill-formed) they can be.

Last fortnight saw a flurry of guesstimates being used in the office to give strategic direction to future plans. Super Boss was in town after an overseas meeting with big bosses from other geographies. Much Earl Grey drinking must have happened, for the man seemed content and before leaving for his holy seat in the capitol, said "We must do something in the chemicals industry."

The non-conformist immediately starts mapping the chemical industry trends with the company's services and draws up a plan. While being reviewed by the Ageing superstar, (don't tell me you expected Super Boss to listen to others voices?)  it is struck down with one red slash of his pen (without reading it of course). The reason: "Super boss has lost touch with reality. He has no idea that there is no scope for any of these services in this country." So who has the idea?

While one can guesstimate that Super Boss was guesstimating, can you make out that the Ageing Superstar was "super guesstimating"? (meaning: making a guesstimate of an existing guesstimate). This is a common value add offered by senior team members. Identify it by looking at the amount and extent of grey matter on the person's scalp. In case of women look at the amount of jewellery and make up; Less of either of these coupled with prominent use of white indicates a high probability of super guesstimating.

Taking a cue the non-conformist soon applies this guesstimate theory on a hospitality project and sends the "findings" to the Ageing Super star. His verdict: "There are no hospitality companies in this city. So any marketing activity here is pointless." Pointless to inform him that the management has identified hospitality as a "key" sector this year and that a flurry of activity is already underway including a mammoth collateral kit.

This is a classic case of guesstimate beyond reason (GBR) attributed mainly to complacency and seat warming. GBRs often come from those who are next in line to win the super boss title. GBRs are usually close-ended statements and the only way to open the discussion is by sharing facts such as "I read this report on the blooming hospitality sector in the city. We can have a first mover advantage if you spearhead this." A response to a GBR will never be followed by another GBR. If anything you might find yourself without work.

A week later the non-conformist, still at her job, gets called by the Ageing Superstar. He says "Hey! I saw your email. You know these hospitality chaps are b%^&*$#@. Pardon my language. But they are b!@#$%^&. I think it is pointless to market anything here."

This is the guesstimate by experience (GBE), a complex maneuver that only the experienced can deliver. Lack of patience, a strong opinion and reputation as a names dropper are usually the pre-requisites for a GBE specialist. If you think a GBE comes close to sounding like an opinion, do not be surprised, for it is an opinion. When you are subjected to a GBE, it is time to archive all related communications in that folder (read "put the past behind" and "start afresh").